Zoe Becker will celebrate her bat mitzvah on Feb. 6 at Adas Israel Congregation. Zoe is the daughter of Ben and Judy Becker of Washington; big sister of Andy Becker; and granddaughter of David Becker and Leslie Seeman of Bethesda, Debra Becker of Silver Spring, Susan Golden of Cleveland, Ohio, and Don and Fran Golden, also of Cleveland.
Zoe is a seventh grader at Alice Deal Middle School, where she is a member of the debate team.
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Jonah Eli Udler, son of Jen and Josh Udler of Potomac, and brother of Jacob and Shoshanna, will become a bar mitzvah on Feb. 20, Parshah Terumah (Zachor), at both the Chabad Shul of Potomac and Beth Sholom Congregation in Potomac. Jonah is the grandson of Arline Udler and the late Allan S. Udler of Potomac and Eileen and Fred Wolpert of Olney.
Jonah is a seventh-grade student at Berman Hebrew Academy in Rockville. For his bar mitzvah project, Jonah is raising awareness about teens and adults who face struggles with drug and alcohol addiction, including his cousin Seth Winter, who passed away recently. Jonah is helping collect donations for the nonprofit set up in his honor, the Seth J. Winter Memorial Foundation, which provides scholarship funding to high school graduates and young adults who have completed a recovery program and are pursuing a college education or vocational program.
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The bar or bat mitzvah speech is an opportunity for the child to explain how their Torah portion relates to their lives. It’s also a chance to report back on their mitzvah project, an act that takes them outside themselves. Three recent b’nai mitzvah shared their speeches with WJW. Here are excerpts.
Cooper’s parshah tells the story of Moses splitting the Red Sea, allowing the Israelites to flee from Pharaoh.
“The Israelites were scared when they were running from the Egyptians, they didn’t know what to do except to keep moving; but they didn’t know where they were going, they didn’t know where the Egyptians were, they just knew to keep moving. They were experiencing a lot of change just like us.
“When Covid first struck, none of us really knew what to do except stay inside, keep apart and wear masks. Even though it seemed scary and hopeless at first, it didn’t stop us finding ways to connect — from talking with loved ones through Zoom and other applications — just like we are doing right now — and finding new ways to having fun with friends — like playing video games online.
“Even though change can be scary, we all need to do our part to help keep moving forward. Many people might not want change to happen, because they like things the way they are. And change takes time, effort, and energy that some people might not want to commit to. But it is important to accept change. The sooner we change, the sooner we get it over with and can continue moving.”
Mitzvah project: In light of the pandemic and the economic hardship brought with it, Cooper raised money for the Falls Church Homeless Shelter.
In Matty’s parshah, Jacob and Esav reconcile after Jacob tricked Isaac into giving him the blessing of the firstborn.
“Something that stood out to me from the parshah was how Jacob and Esav felt about each other after being apart for so long. When two people don’t see each other for a long time, it can change their relationship and the way they feel about each other. In some cases, separation can make you forget how much you cared about someone. And in some cases, it can make you love them even more than you already did. Time can also heal emotional wounds, as it did for Esav and Jacob.
“I relate this to my life and I’m sure you can, too, because of the pandemic. So many of us have not been able to see people that we love, including our friends and family, for more than eight months now. It has been really hard for everyone, including me. Little things like small fights or disagreements no longer seem important. What this pandemic has helped me realize is that the most important thing in life is family.”
Mitzvah project: Matty’s Bubby lives in a nursing home. Before the pandemic, a rabbi visited the home every Friday to lead Shabbat services. But the pandemic put a halt to those visits. Wanting to help, Matty started to lead Kabbalat Shabbat services over Zoom for his Bubby and the other Jewish residents.
In Henry’s parshah, God commands Abraham to sacrifice his son Isaac as a test of faith.
“While it is almost impossible to imagine slaying your own child, I’ve spent some time thinking about Abraham’s perspective. I wonder if Abraham was able to come that close to slaying his son because he believed in God and trusted in his word. He had great faith and believed that everything would be OK. One definition of faith is the complete trust or confidence in someone or something. Faith, and especially believing in yourself and believing in others, is a very important life skill to have. You may have times when you feel hopeless and that everyone has given up on you.
“Or, you may have periods when you feel great happiness and joy. However, having faith in yourself will help you through ups and downs. Perhaps we can learn from Abraham and keep him in mind when we are struggling. He had faith that this horrible situation would lead to a good outcome. In the words of the great Davey Martinez, manager of the Washington Nationals, ‘bumpy roads lead to beautiful places.’”
Mitzvah project: Henry volunteered with the McLean Little League Challenger Division. It enables children with physical and mental challenges to play baseball, paired with a buddy, whose primary responsibility is to make sure the players have fun.
“I found this to be such a worthwhile experience that I have also become a best buddies volunteer and will have a pal assigned with whom I will email for the coming years.
“Just remember that if you believe you can change the world. Abraham believed and saved his son with the power of faith.”
eschucht@midatlanticmedia.com
@EricSchucht
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When the world shut down last March as fear spread that the coronavirus was as lethal as it was unknown, Ben Pollack was days away from his bar mitzvah. Everything was set: services on March 28 at Adas Israel Congregation in Washington and a big dance party the following evening. A typical bar mitzvah.
“We were called on March 13 and told that the synagogue would be closed through March 29,” said Becky Reed, Ben’s mother.
Ben’s bar mitzvah was off.
Of course the synagogue was closed much longer. What followed were seven months of confusion and replanning. That synagogue service and dance party were rescheduled for Oct. 24. But as October grew nearer, it became clear that a typical bar mitzvah was still out of the question.
So the family opted for a havdalah service via Zoom. Having it after Shabbat let family members who are Sabbath observant attend virtually.
“We shifted how we imagined the bar mitzvah, because by October the devastation was very clear and a party really couldn’t happen,” Reed explained. “We just wanted whatever we did to match the spirit and the tone of what was happening in the community.
“It does really focus you on all the things that matter,” she said of trying to create a simchah, a joyous event, amid a pandemic. “What matters is this incredible transition that kids have at 13 from childhood to a march toward adulthood. It’s quite striking and beautiful.”
Other families interviewed for this story agreed. Even though a bar or bat mitzvah is difficult to pull off right now, it’s definitely doable, they said. And no matter what, it’s going to be just as meaningful as it was before.
If you’re contemplating planning a bar or bat mitzvah, or have a date set, it’s important to figure out your top priorities early and then find a way to make them happen. Focus in on the things that are the most important. And no matter which route you take, it’ll still end up meaningful. And likely unforgettable.
Alexis Cohen began planning for her son Isaac Gantsoudes’ June 12 bar mitzvah three years ago.
“I was actually done planning when COVID hit,” she said.
A year later, it looks like Isaac’s service will be able to take place in the sanctuary at Congregation Olam Tikvah, in Fairfax, and the family is hoping to host something resembling a pre-pandemic dance party outdoors.
“We have three options,” Cohen explained. “We’re either going to have tents outside at the hotel in the parking lot and then there’s two options at home. One is catered and one is food trucks.”
She said there are 150 people on the in-person guest list. Still, the number of people who will be able to attend depends on orders from the governor’s office.
“We don’t even know if people want to come or if they will come,” she said. “I don’t have any answers for June and I don’t really know what my next steps are, so I’m just trying to prepare for every scenario.”
One scenario involves cicadas. The Great Eastern Brood of the noisy insect is due to reemerge after 17 years.
“They’re going to come out in May, whether you like it or not. So it’ll be loud. We’re going to have a deejay, so hopefully you won’t even hear them.”
Cohen’s goals are to be flexible, maintain a sense of perspective and understand that Isaac’s bar mitzvah will happen on June 12 no matter what.
“People are trying to put a 2019 party into a 2021 environment,” Cohen said. “I just want to celebrate my son. The people who are trying to wait this thing out are going to be really surprised with how long they have to wait.”
Lauren Schrier’s bat mitzvah was on Feb. 6 at Temple Beth Ami in Rockville. It took the family time to come to terms with a small havdalah service and car parade instead of a country club blowout party.
“You know what? It was awesome!” said Lisa Schrier, Lauren’s mom. “We just kind of embraced it and said we’re just going to have to deal with it and we made the best of it. It wasn’t about the party. It was more about the meaning of why we’re really doing this.”
The 18 guests at the service each had a COVID-19 PCR test and were quarantined before the ceremony. The parade, with 100 cars full of Lauren’s friends and family, lasted an hour and a half. And because nobody wanted her party dress and high tops to go to waste, Lauren, a soccer player, also had a photoshoot with her dress on a soccer field.
Canceling the original party meant wrangling with the vendors. Schrier said that some were willing to give back the deposits. Others disregarded their contracts and refused to return deposits, even if they didn’t provide services.
Other elements of the bat mitzvah maintained a sense of normalcy. The Schriers sent paper invitations to their guests, and the 90 kids who RSVP’d received logoed sweatshirts and kippot. Being able to do regular bat mitzvah things meant a lot to Lauren, Schrier said.
“You have to get out of your mind what it’s supposed to be and pivot and make it happen,” Schrier said. “Embrace the service and the meaning of what becoming a bat mitzvah means, and that change to adulthood.”
William Zimmet’s bar mitzvah was delayed for almost a year by the pandemic. Originally scheduled for last April, William’s ceremony is now planned for March 27 at Ohr Kodesh Congregation in Chevy Chase.
Ohr Kodesh doesn’t allow Zoom services on Shabbat, said William’s mother, Gilda Zimmet. But it was important to the family to have the service in person at Ohr Kodesh and for William to read from the Torah.
At most, 30 people will be able to attend the service, which will be followed that night by the first Passover seder.
“We can’t really even have a party because our house will have been cleaned out of all non-Passover foods and people will be in a hurry to go home and get ready for their seder,” Zimmet said.
Instead of a party, William will have a couple close friends over on the Thursday before.
“It’s important to think about what your priorities are and your tolerance for technology,” Zimmet advised, echoing some of the other parents. “Whatever plans you make should be plans that can change on a dime.”
Before the pandemic hit, the Zimmets had already booked vendors and caterers, and ordered kippot (with a date on them that the coronavirus made obsolete). “No matter what,” Zimmet warns about customized swag, “I would suggest not putting the date on.” The Zimmets are putting what they’ve learned to work as they look forward to William’s sister’s bat mitzvah, scheduled for November 2022.
“Just use the experience as a learning tool in terms of your teenager understanding that sometimes we think we control everything. Here’s the perfect example of something that’s completely out of your control and you just have to be flexible and do the best you can.”
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Zoe Shrank, daughter of Miriam Vogel and Will Shrank, became a bat mitzvah on April 3 at Adas Israel Congregation.
Zoe is the granddaughter of Judith Barnett, Don Vogel and Ella and Harry Shrank. Zoe is a seventh-grade student at Sidwell Friends School, an avid student and a competitive tennis player. When COVID permits, the family will celebrate Zoe with trips to Israel and Egypt, as well as to London.
For her mitzvah project, Zoe will be working with the Sasha Bruce Youthwork, an organization that strives to improve the lives of runaway, homeless, abused and neglected at-risk youth and their families in the Washington area.
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Benjamin “Benji” Whiting-Eisemann will celebrate his bar mitzvah on April 24, virtually at Adat Shalom Reconstructionist Congregation. Benji is the son of Vanessa Eisemann and Catherine Whiting of Kensington, big brother of Adelaide Whiting-Eisemann, and grandson of Linda and Michael Eisemann of Houston, and Isabel and the late Richard Whiting of Williamsburg.
Benji is a seventh grader at North Bethesda Middle School. He is a violinist with the Potomac Valley Youth Orchestra and also enjoys downhill skiing, soccer, tennis and golf. During the pandemic, Benji has discovered the joy of baking, and through his participation in Adat Shalom’s Tikkun Ha’Ir program, he learned a lot about food insecurity in our area. Putting the two together for his b’mitzvah project, Benji has been baking many batches of cookies and brownies to donate to So Others May Eat (S.O.M.E.) in Washington.
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Talia Ruth Stein, daughter of Dr. Robyn Miller and Stephen Jacob Stein and sister of Maya Eve Stein, will become a bat mitzvah on June 5 via livestream by Washington Hebrew Congregation. A seventh grader at Westland Middle School in Bethesda, Talia is the granddaughter of Polly and Manny Miller and Mimi Stein, and the late Dr. Herbert Stein.
For her mitzvah project, Talia has chosen to help the organizations Generation Hope and Mary’s Center. Generation Hope helps teen mothers attend school, finish their education and have access to a better life. Mary’s Center gives a safe space to teenagers and provides comprehensive services to them, such as medical, educational and social services. Her project is to collect unused working computers and to donate them to help teenagers have personal freedom, access to academic materials, the ability to search for jobs, shop and learn many skills they will need in life.
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Sasha Rose Karp, daughter of Annie Tobin Karp and Brett Karp and sister of Jonah Karp, will become a bat mitzvah on Aug. 28, at Temple Beth Ami in Rockville.
Sasha is a rising eighth grader at Hallie Wells Middle School in Clarksburg. She is the granddaughter of Gale and Jim Tobin of Boynton Beach, Fla., formerly of Fairfax, and Ted and Gail Karp of Olney.
For her mitzvah project, Sasha collected new and gently used dance clothing and shoes for Donate 2 Dance, Traveling Tutus and the Maryland Youth Ballet.
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Shelly and Mitch Zocchi, of Springfield, Va., and members of Congregation Adat Reyim, are proud to announce the bat mitzvah of their daughter, Shana, on Oct. 2. Shana has been attending Adat Reyim since her preschool days and is now preparing for this momentous occasion. Shana loves dance, drawing and walking her rescue terrier, Calvin. She is keeping her Grandma Lorraine Daxe in her heart by helping the Inova Schar Cancer Institute as part of her mitzvah project.
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With speeches about historic poets and writers, Jewish-Irish history and even some analysis of the modernist novel “Ulysses,” Evian Bloom Guilfoyle and Mischa Blue Ehart Rogin marked their entry into Jewish adulthood together.
As members of Machar, The Washington Congregation for Secular Humanistic Judaism, Evian and Mischa Blue and their families have been friends for years.
“We’ve known each other since we were really little,” said Evian, a 13-year-old Takoma Park Middle School student. “It’s traditional at Machar to do joint b mitzvahs,” he said, referring to gender-neutral approach to the bar or bat mitzvah coming-of-age ceremony. Humanistic Judaism is a non-theistic movement.
Four years ago, the pair’s older siblings had their own joint b mitzvah, which set the precedent for Evian and Mischa Blue, who celebrated together on Sept. 4 at a friend’s house in Takoma Park. In a joint Zoom interview, Evian and Mischa Blue described their speeches and the ceremony.
For her speech, Mischa Blue studied Jewish activist and poet Emma Lazarus.
“I knew I wanted to do [the speech] about female Jewish writers or poets, and I found Emma Lazarus and thought she was really interesting,” said Mischa Blue, a 14-year-old student at the District of Columbia International School.
Lines from Lazarus’ sonnet “The New Colossus” are inscribed on the plaque on the Statue of Liberty’s pedestal. Mischa Blue has been interested in poetry ever since winning a poetry contest in the fifth grade.
Mischa Blue said her parents gave their seal of approval before she presented her speech: “They just wanted to make sure it sounded good ─ that it didn’t just sound like I wrote it overnight.”
Mischa Blue hopes she spoke clearly enough. “I hope that [the audience] could hear me because I talk really fast, so I hope they understood me,” she said.
Evian said his father had input for his speech, too. “At one point, my dad actually suggested that I change topics,” he said. “I was having a lot of trouble finding information about [the Irish-Jewish community].” A trip to the Irish Jewish Museum in Dublin inspired Evian to write his b mitzvah speech about his heritage.
“I’m Irish and Jewish, so I was really interested in the Irish-Jewish community and I thought it was interesting to research about that and learn more about it,” he said.
In the speech, Evian also wrote about the Jewish character Leopold Bloom from James Joyce’s 1922 novel, “Ulysses.” He said he didn’t read the entire book, known for its difficult stream-of-consciousness prose, but he did watch the 2003 Irish film “Bloom,” with Stephen Rea playing the titular character.
Evian enjoyed the connection the novel has to his father. “‘Ulysses’ is one of [my dad’s] favorite books, so he was very excited about this because it’s something that touches close to him,” he said.
Mischa Blue said she spent months preparing her speech. “You start thinking about it a year in advance, but you don’t start writing it until you have a topic,” she said. It took four or five months to write her speech. Evian said he took almost the entire summer to write his.
They said they were surprised when all those months of work ended in what felt like an instant once they presented their speeches.
“It’s weird because you spend so much time on it and then it’s over in like 10 minutes,” said Mischa Blue.
“Yeah,” Evian added. “It’s crazy.”
The ceremony was held at Evian’s friend’s house, which enabled them to have an outdoor celebration and stream it over Zoom. “[The house] had a cool stage setup,” said Mischa Blue. “[The b mitzvah] was a lot of fun, I’m very glad that we settled on that location,” said Evian.
What was the best part of the day? “My favorite part was when I was done with my speech!” said Evian. “It was like the biggest hard part was over and then I could just celebrate.”
Mischa Blue nodded her agreement. “I was really scared about it because I know Evian does a lot of theater, so he’s used to speaking in front of people. But, I have never done that ever before in my life and I have bad stage fright, so it was a lot for me.”
Evian quickly added: “But she did great!”
With the milestone behind them, Evian and Mischa Blue said they don’t feel much different.
“It was very exciting to do [the b mitzvah] because it’s like this big thing,” said Evian. “But then, I feel like not much changed. But I’m very glad that I did it because it meant a lot to me and I really liked working for it.”
Mischa Blue’s said that when her older sister celebrated her b mitzvah four years ago, her sister became a more responsible person. Mischa Blue said her parents are hoping the same will happen to her.
“My parents want me to have a sudden burst of maturity, but I don’t know if that’s going to happen,” she said. “We’ll see.”
Mischa Blue has a younger sister, but Evian doesn’t have a younger sibling, so the possibility of a third joint b mitzvah for the families is low. But not impossible.
“We’re getting a cat!” Evian said.
“Maybe my younger sister will do a b mitzvah with a cat,” Mischa Blue laughed.
mburinsky@midatlanticmedia.com
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Eve (Chava Gabriela), daughter of Liz and Jon Berger, was called to the Torah at B’nai Israel, in Wilmington, N.C., on April 2. In addition to sharing her simchah with her sister, Lillian, and her parents, Eve is thrilled that her grandparents Don and Arleen Rochlen of Bloomfield Hills, Mich., and Arthur and Barbara Berger of Bethesda, aunts, uncles, cousins and many friends are all traveled to Wilmington to celebrate with her.
Eve is a seventh grader at the Friends School in Wilmington, N.C. Before to moving to North Carolina in 2020, Eve and her family lived in Israel for seven years. For her mitzvah project, Eve has been volunteering at her new synagogue. She has worked at a soup kitchen, made challahs for meal delivery, packed gloves and hats for the homeless, planted trees in a local park and much more.
Rabbi Susan Shankman. of Potomac, and Isabel “Liz” Dunst, of Washington, are two of the Women of Reform Judaism’s 2022 Women’s Empowerment Awards honorees. This award honors women who strengthen the voices of others, with a focus on empowering women and girls, and who promote progressive Jewish values.
Shankman has been a rabbi and community leader at Washington Hebrew Congregation for more than 20 years. Dunst is a member of Temple Sinai in Washington where she served as the congregation’s president.
WRJ will celebrate the 12 recipients the Women’s Empowerment Awards event on May 13 at 2 p.m. For information, go to wrj.org.
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Evan Benjamin Silberglied (Ezra Binyamin), son of Steve Silberglied and Gail Ravnitzky Silberglied, became a bar mitzvah at B’nai Israel Congregation on Nov. 19. He is the grandson of Karleen Heller, Jerry Ravnitzky, Marilyn Silberglied and Bob Silberglied (deceased).
Evan is a 7th grader at Tilden Middle School. For his mitzvah project, Evan is encouraging people to donate blood because there is a critical blood shortage.
Jamie Elizabeth Silberglied (Shira Eliana), daughter of Steve Silberglied and Gail Ravnitzky Silberglied, became a bat mitzvah at B’nai Israel Congregation on Nov. 19, She is the granddaughter of Karleen Heller, Jerry Ravnitzky, Marilyn Silberglied and Bob Silberglied (deceased).
Jamie is a 7th grader at Tilden Middle School. For her mitzvah project, Jamie is promoting the new 988 Suicide Prevention and Crisis Hotline because suicide is the second leading cause of death for teenagers.
Jamie is also a volunteer with the Friendship Circle. And Jamie is participating in the Twinning Project of Yad Vashem, where she is symbolically sharing her bat mitzvah with a Jewish child, Shuru Belzer, who was murdered in the Holocaust at age 5.
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Bimah — the focal point of the synagogue where the Torah is read and the rabbi stands — means “stage.”
In December, 13-year-old Grayden Goldman took to the bimah for his bar mitzvah. In his premiere as a Jewish man, Grayden read from the Torah — Parshat Vayetze — and haftarah, and sang one of his favorite Shabbat tunes, “Sim Shalom,” by Julie Silver.
If Grayden was nervous that day, no one at Temple Isaiah in Fulton could tell. An aspiring singer/actor, he was waiting for a call back from Olney Theatre Center, where he had auditioned for its upcoming production of “Kinky Boots.”
Sure enough, on the heels of his bar mitzvah, Grayden made his professional theatrical debut this month playing young Charlie in the Cyndi Lauper/Harvey Fierstein musical about a beleaguered factory owner who has to get creative to save his family’s shoe factory.
Stage fright doesn’t seem to faze the well-spoken and clear-headed young man, with a head of brunette curls and an engaging smile.
“Not only was Grayden thoughtful about the performing aspect” of becoming a bar mitzvah,” said Rabbi Craig Axler, “he was meaningful and thoughtful in the way he led the prayers.”
At Olney Theatre, Grayden plays Charlie the factory owner as a youngster. “I’m trying to please my father while I’m also shoving a soccer ball in his face,” he said of his character.
While young Charlie is supposed to do well in school and learn the business from his father, Mr. Price, “I wanna play soccer, too.” He sings a paeon to shoes: “The Most Beautiful Thing in the World.”
And, it’s not every day you hear a bar, bat or kabbalat mitzvah kid effusively discuss how much they loved chanting from the Torah. Asked what he liked most about his bar mitzvah service, he said, “One hundred percent, definitely my Torah portion, haftarah and the blessings before and after were my favorite part. I like the blessings before and after because I knew them before I even started learning [for the bar mitzvah] and I find them really fun because they’re short and sweet.”
Grayden, a Woodbine, Md., resident, traces his interest in singing to listening to Kelly Clarkson on the car radio. His earliest performing experience occurred as a member of Temple Isaiah’s junior choir.
“I ended up loving it and having a great time,” he said, and now he volunteers on Sunday mornings as the choir director’s assistant for the younger children. “Then I went to theater camp. That led to being invited to perform child’s roles in two Glenelg High School productions.”
A few summer stock camp sessions at Olney Theatre and he was invited to audition for “Kinky Boots.” “Now,” he beamed, “I’m a professional.”
Mom Dina Goldman noted, “This all happened at the same time: Grayden was preparing for his bar mitzvah and auditioning. It’s all very exciting.”
The bar mitzvah party was, of course, a theatrical event. The whole Goldman family, including twin sisters Emersyn and Talya, got involved in planning it, Grayden said.
“Originally it was just going to be theater and shows in general, but my mom had a great idea to make a music video with me singing and dancing.”
He chose the title song from “The Greatest Show,” the 2017 movie musical. Then one of his younger sisters chimed in with the perfect title: “The Grayden Show,” and they worked on rewriting some of the lyrics to suit the theme. That sealed the deal: “The Grayden Show” video became a centerpiece of the theater-themed bar mitzvah.
At the time, mom Dina worked at Round House Theater (she is now director of advancement at Olney, but didn’t get the job until after her son was cast), so the family was able to use the stage at Round House for a professional photo shoot. They did a second photo shoot at the Mall in Columbia at a spot that featured multiple selfie stations with what Grayden called “cool backgrounds: I got to throw balloons in a blue room!”
The Goldmans also arranged for a private recording session at Bach to Rock. “I got to record in a full recording studio,” Grayden said. “I used a microphone. I saw how they edited my voice. I saw how to add reverb and how we could make different parts of the song. They could make it like I sang this part at one time of day, another part at a different time of day. Then we could mix it together like I was singing it in one cut.”
The family shot the video together on a cell phone, said Dina Goldman, who asked a friend to edit it. “It was a group effort to put it all together,” she said. Her son added: “That was such a cool experience!”
For the Goldman family, the bar mitzvah service and party became a shared effort that reflects Grayden’s dual interests and loves: musical theater and Judaism. Rabbi Axler remarked to the congregation that he could as easily see Grayden in the rabbinate as on Broadway.
While deciding on a career path may be premature, he shared some thoughts.
“While I could never imagine myself … running a synagogue and a Hebrew school, I could imagine myself telling stories to people while singing,” something his rabbi does. “That’s what theater does as well,” Grayden said. “I can imagine myself telling religious-type stories like [ Axler]. That’s a connection that I hope I will never lose.”
He added, “With music, the best part is that it’s everywhere.” ■
Lisa Traiger is WJW arts correspondent.
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Hazzan Asa Fradkin knows the stressors and joys of planning a b’nai mitzvah as he regularly works with local tweens preparing for their milestone 13th birthdays.
Teens who are b’nai mitzvah are expected to memorize a Torah portion that they recite at the ceremony. Fradkin, the coordinator of Congregation Beth El of Montgomery County’s b’nai mitzvah program, meets with 12-year-olds about six months before their big day to see how they’re progressing with their tutors and what final bits of training or preparation they may need before their final rehearsal, which takes place days before the service.
Fradkin gave the Washington Jewish Week an insider’s look into the b’nai mitzvah preparation process and the months of work that both he and local tweens put in.
Do you have to know Hebrew well and/or grow up attending Hebrew school to have a b’nai mitzvah?
Knowing Hebrew is the number one factor in making the process enjoyable and smooth for kids entering this process. It doesn’t mean that they can’t be successful if they haven’t grown up in a traditional religious school or if they don’t know Hebrew well, they can certainly succeed by working really hard to do as much memorization as they can and picking up some basic Hebrew reading skills. There’s no question that familiarity with Hebrew and strength with Hebrew reading is the number-one factor that I think helps kids feel confident in their ability to learn all the material and come out at the other end – being able to stand up at the front of the congregation and feel confident.
Tweens typically have a tutor to study Torah in addition to meeting with you. How does your role fit in?
My job is to make sure that all the kids and the families are getting what they need, in terms of their relationship with the tutor, their learning style, their study habits. A lot of times, the tutor needs additional support from me to help families get a better sense of where their kid’s priorities need to lie with how they practice, how often they practice, prioritizing studying, sometimes changing or editing what they are doing to make sure it’s achievable, essentially managing the process, [seeing] that everyone is on the same page and getting what they need.
We started using Google Sheets to track each of the kids’ progress so that myself, tutors and the parents can all see the sheets, and this allows us to all be on the same page. I use those sheets to have a conversation with a parent and a kid when I see them about how they think things are going, what their trajectory is and if we need to change the status quo, or the particular expectations that we have for them so that they can be successful.
Sometimes the parents just need to sit with me and have a discussion about what the realistic expectations are for their kids and how to help their kids be successful. Because every family comes from a really different perspective and background, so sometimes they really just need a bit of orientation to the whole process. And sometimes, it’s as simple as they just need to hear that their kid hasn’t quite gotten the immediacy of the need to study a little bit every day and make sure they’re getting their work done. Parents are so overworked, so overtired, and it’s really hard for everybody to focus on one particular activity for an entire year and make it a priority. I know how hard it is because I’m a dad, how hard it is just to make sure that my kids are doing what they’re supposed to be doing with homework and with practicing their music and practicing for whatever else that they’re responsible for. I have a lot of empathy for these parents. Sometimes just having a face-to-face meeting is really effective, much more effective than sending an email.
What is the biggest challenge in the planning process and how do you help with that?
I think the biggest challenge is knowing how to prioritize time and how parents can check on their kids’ progress. I think a lot of parents don’t feel like they have the knowledge base or the personal self-confidence in their own Hebrew or anything else to even know whether their kids are getting stuff right or wrong, and therefore they’re not really listening to their kids practice.
They don’t know whether or not their kids are practicing daily, or even if they are inefficiently, or how much they’ve gotten done. For lots of reasons, they rely on us to help them gauge those metrics, like where the kids are and where they need to be. One of the biggest challenges that we help them deal with is making sure that they know what they’re looking for – it’s just empowering the parents a little more.
When it comes to the kids, it’s a similar thing: them knowing how to make the time [to practice] 10 to 15 minutes a day. I spend a lot of time trying to empower parents and kids to feel like they can do this and giv[ing] them the tools to do it.
What do you enjoy about working with teens?
Their personalities. Because the text is always the same; the assignments are always the same. Every time you get a kid who learns how to read Torah and wants to do it again. We just started a Teen Torah Reading Society and got several kids to sign up, and it’s exciting. Their parents are proud of them. The kids are proud of themselves. When you see them in the hallways on the High Holidays, … they’re happy to see you. You have that relationship with them. It’s really fulfilling.
I may or may not remember what the kid’s Torah portion was or what they talked about at their b’nai mitzvah, but that relationship is really important and meaningful to me.
zbell@midatlanticmedia.com
The post Hazzan Asa Fradkin Provides Necessary Tools for B’nai Mitzvah Preparation appeared first on Washington Jewish Week.
Planning your child’s b’nai mitzvah can be intimidating, but it doesn’t have to be. By getting an early head start, you can square away some of the more challenging aspects of event planning and leave plenty of time to take care of smaller details.
Here are some ideas for when to take care of certain aspects of a b’nai mitzvah, so you can have as much fun as your child on their big day instead of stressing out.
A year (or more) before:
Determine your budget: The entirety of party planning will be dependent on how big your budget is. With a larger budget, you can have a great deal of flexibility when choosing a venue, entertainment and other services; while a smaller budget means that there are less individual services to worry about.
Plan a guest list: The amount of people you invite will influence how big of a venue you need, how much food and how much themed merch you need to order if that’s something you’re interested in. Make sure you have your guests’ addresses and contact information to send them save-the-dates and invitations.
Pick a theme: It’s your child’s big day, so they should be able to pick a theme that reflects their interests, talents and who they are as a person.
Hire a planner: If you have space in the budget for it, an event planner can take a lot of the pressure off of you by suggesting catering services, handling decorations and more.
10+ months before:
Research venues: Consider the type of atmosphere you might want to have. If you want to spend a portion of the event outside, venues with outdoor spaces might be ideal. For a classier affair, a hotel or catering hall can provide that atmosphere. Some public spaces, like aquariums and museums, even offer space rentals for parties.
Research and hire vendors: Catering is always a must, and while some venues have their own catering services, others do not. Reaching out to other vendors, such as photographers, DJs and entertainers, gives them plenty of time to prepare for the event.
Choose a b’nai mitzvah project: Start brainstorming with your child about how they can use their b’nai mitzvah to do good in the community. You can search for volunteer opportunities relating to their interests, or identify a social issue they’re passionate about.
6-9 months before:
Order and send out save-the-dates: While they’re not official invitations, save-the-dates inform people about your child’s b’nai mitzvah in advance. This can be especially helpful if they need to travel, so they have time to make plans.
Pick out invitations: Since these are official, they’re usually much more elaborate than save-the-dates. You should mail them out two or three months before the event.
Research decorations and rentals: If you have a planner, they might be able to take care of this for you, but if not, it’s a smart idea to identify a business that can make party decorations. You may also need to rent supplies including tents, tables and photo booths.
3-6 months before:
Put together a photo montage: Start looking through those baby photos so you can put together a video to be shown at the event.
Pick out attire: Visit a formalwear shop to pick out suits and dresses. As the event approaches, you can get them tailored to fit you better.
Do a menu tasting: Sample dishes from your chosen caterer to determine what goes on the menu. Make sure to include dishes that the guests like, but also ones that the b’nai mitzvah likes. It’s also important to consider kosher and vegetarian/vegan options if any of your guests have particular dietary needs.
2 months before:
Plan a candle-lighting ceremony: Pick out which family and friends will be lighting each of the 13 candles. To make the ceremony easier, you and your child can write a script for it — rhyming couplets and short poems are a common format.
Book transportation: While some of your guests may drive to the synagogue for the official b’nai mitzvah ceremony, others may have flown in or have been dropped off by their parents. Booking transportation, such as private buses, can make the trip from the ceremony to the reception much smoother.
Order dessert: Don’t forget the cake!
1 month before:
Book hair and makeup appointments: You want to be sure that you and your child both look your best for your child’s special day.
Do a b’nai mitzvah rehearsal: Some synagogues will hold b’nai mitzvah rehearsals so participating families can familiarize themselves with the format of the service, and so the b’nai mitzvah has time to practice reading their Torah portion in front of an audience.
Plan seating arrangements: Determine which of your guests will be sitting where. It’s common to have one large table for all of the children, but when seating family and adult friends together, consider who knows each other when planning seating. When you’re done, be sure to send it to the venue so they can have seating ready on the big day.
1 week before:
Finalize everything!: Make sure that everything is prepared, and if there are any last-minute changes that need to be made, inform your vendors or the venue.
Set aside tips: It’s common courtesy to tip vendors for their hard work. Sorting tips before the event makes it easier to give them out, so you don’t have to worry about it after the fact.
De-stress: Get some rest before the b’nai mitzvah! You’ve earned it.
jdiamond@midatlanticmedia.com
The post A Year-Long Checklist for B’nai Mitzvah Planning appeared first on Washington Jewish Week.
Yonah Brown runs six or seven times a week and is a cross country athlete for Milton Gottesman Jewish Day School, where he is a seventh grader.
“I’ve only done cross-country for a year, but I’ve been really dedicated,” Yonah said.
So it made sense for him to incorporate his love of running into his mitzvah project before his March 29 bar mitzvah at Adas Israel Congregation.
Yonah’s “Fun Run for Magen David Adom” on Feb. 23 benefited Israel’s national emergency medical and disaster response service through American Friends of Magen David Adom, combining his love for the land with the miles he puts in nearly every day.
The 25 family members, friends and teammates who signed up to run began at Adas Israel in Washington, D.C., then embarked on a 3.5-mile loop — 2.5 miles for walkers — around the National Zoo.
Participants helped raise funds for Israeli first responders’ needs and equipment to help people on the ground, a cause important to Yonah.
“[Magen David Adom first responders] help people no matter their religion, political affiliation, anything like that,” Yonah said. “They’re doing really good things for Israel, especially now when they need it.”
His passion for Israel stemmed from a two-and-a-half month family trip there when he was 10.
“I felt a strong connection to the land,” Yonah said. “It feels like my home, so I want to make sure it’s going to be safe.”
His classmate, Zachary Cutler, also has a love for sports made apparent through his bar mitzvah on Feb. 16. After the service, his family, friends and teammates joined him for a baseball-themed party at Adas Israel, complete with food, games and a pitching machine that calculated a baseball’s speed and accuracy.
“Baseball is my favorite sport, and it’s my family’s favorite sport,” Zachary said.
Nearly every year, Zachary, his dad and his cousins attend spring training and see the New York Yankees play in Tampa, Florida. Zachary has played baseball for at least six years, first for Capital City Little League and now on the Wild Bill Sports travel team.
“I really enjoy [playing baseball because] it’s good competition,” he said. “I hang out with my friends there and I really want to continue playing it.”
He chose to dedicate his mitzvah project to Leveling the Playing Field, collecting new and gently used sports equipment for the youth sports charitable organization based in Silver Spring. For Zachary, it’s important that other local youth athletes have access to the same opportunities that he has had, especially with sports playing such a large role in his life.
Community members from across the D.C. area — Zachary enlisted the local Little League — donated ice skates, hockey equipment, “everything.”
“I really want all kids to experience playing sports and with the right equipment,” Zachary said, citing the health benefits and camaraderie of playing on a team.
zbell@midatlanticmedia.com
The post Using Sports to Do a Mitzvah appeared first on Washington Jewish Week.
